Ending my LTR with Claritin
Me: (sighs) We need to talk.
C: (Nervous, cause he knows THAT’S never good) Umm…what’s up?
Me: Claritin, dammit, I’m leaving you.
C: What? Why?? What have I done? (Lower lip trembles).
Me: Well you bastard, it’s more like what haven’t you done.
C: Oh c’mon. (Is now posturing, as if to fake its way out of a break up).
Me: I’m serious. You have let me down for the last time Claritin. The. Last. Time.
C: Fine. You’ll never find anyone as good as me. (Bravado)
Me: Oh yeah? Well guess what you arrogant antihistamine, “must buy me in the pharmacy, ’cause I’m sooo high grade”? Guess what you imcompetent piece of crap? I DID.
C: Who?!
Me: ZYTREC!!! I scream at the top of my lungs, and then—
It gets really ugly from here on out, but suffice it to say C dissovlves in tears as I throw him into the trash at 3 am in a fit of congested madness.
Oh avid readers, if there are any avid readers, pray Z makes the cut.
